Funny and Humorous Divorce Jokes !!!

Rose has filed for divorce. When she and Sam finally attend the court hearing, the judge asks her, "So what do you find wrong with your husband?"

"Well, among other things, your honour, he lies; he’s aggressive; he steals my money; and he’s poor in bed. In fact he’s a bit of a shlemazel."

"Those are serious allegations," says the judge, "can you prove them?"

"Prove them?" replies Rose, "I don’t have to, your honour, everyone knows what Sam is like."

"If you knew all of this," asks the judge, "why on earth did you marry him?"

"But I didn't know it before I married him," replies Rose.

Sam then shouts out, "She did too, your honour."

---

Rose goes to see Max, her solicitor, and says, "I want to divorce my Harry.”

"Why do you want to do that?" Max asks, "I thought you said he was a man of rare gifts.

"He is," replies Rose, he’s never given me a present in twenty years of marriage.”

"Very funny, Rose. Is there another reason why you want a divorce?" asks Max.

"Yes there is," replies Rose, "I want a divorce because of his appearance."

"That’s an unusual reason," says Max.

"Not really," says Rose, "Harry hasn’t put in an appearance at home for four years

---

Rivkah is in court finalising her divorce. As soon as she signs the final paper and realises her divorce is complete, she says out loud, "At last, now all I have to do is arrange for a Get."

The judge hears her and asks, "Mrs Gold, what do you mean by ‘Get’?"

Rivkah replies, "Well your Honor, a Get is a religious ceremony that’s required under the Jewish religion in order to receive a divorce."

"You mean like a Brit Milah?" asks the judge.

"Yes," Rivkah relies, "it’s very similar. But in a Get, you get rid of the whole schmuck."

---

Issy was playing a round of golf with Sidney when suddenly, Issy announces, “I want a divorce.”

“Why on earth do you want to do that?” says Sidney. “Why do you want to divorce your lovely Hetty? She’s beautiful. And if I may say so, she seems so warm and gentle, with a great figure to got with it.”

“Look at it this way Sidney,” replies Issy, as he removes one of his shoes. “Just look at this shoe. The leather seems soft and gentle, it looks great on my foot and its shape is very modern. Don’t you agree?”

“Yes,” replies Sidney, “but I don’t understand what you’re getting at.”

“Well,” says Issy, “I’m the only one who knows the shoe is pinching my toes and it hurts terribly.”