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In a hospital serving victims of land mines, a little girl wakes up from surgery.

Little Girl: Doctor, something is wrong...

I can't feel my legs! Doctor: Yes, we've had to amputate both your arms.

Three vampires walk into a bar. One orders a blood on the rocks.

Another orders a double blood. The third simply asks for a mug of hot water.

"Why didn't you order blood like everyone else?" asks the bartender. The vampire pulls out a tampon and says, "I'm making tea!"

This man pulls up in his Merc beside a little boy. He opens the door,

holds out a brown paper bag of sweets and says, "Hey kid, if I give you a sweetie, will you come in my car."

To which the kid replies, "Gimme the bag and I'll come in your mouth!

The McCartney kids are at the family ranch anxiously awaiting news of their mother. Paul emerges from his wife's bedroom "Kid's.... there's good news and bad news."

"The bad news is your mother's strength and will to live has been sucked away by her awful disease and she died a few moments ago"
"The good news is.... It's steak and chips for dinner!"

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