FUNNY MONEY , Humorous Quotes and Quips about Money, Prosperity, and Wealth

If you want a dollar to go far, mail it overseas.
— Author Unknown

Always remember that money isn't everything — but also rememeber to make a lot of it before talking such nonsense.
— Author Unknown...



A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
— Lana Turner

It's so difficult to save money when your neigbhbors keep buying things you can't afford.
— Author Unknown

I owe much. I have nothing. The rest I leave to the poor.
— François Rabelais (his last will)

The average man has more money than sense; the trouble is that he doesn't know it.
— Author Unknown

When you don't have any money, the problem is food. When you have money, it's sex. When you have both, it's health. If everything is simply Jake, then you're frightened to death.
— J. P. Donleavy

Nowadays people know the price of everything and the value of nothing.
— Oscar Wilde

Being rich ain't what it's cracked up to be. It's just worry and worry, and sweat and sweat, and a-wishing you was dead all the time.
— Mark Twain

The offspring of riches: Pride, vanity, ostentation, arrogance, tyranny.
— Mark Twain

If all men were rich, all men would be poor.
— Mark Twain

It is easier for a needle to go through a camel's eye than for a rich woman to sprain her ancle & keep it out of the papers.
— Mark Twain

One must have some sort of occupation nowadays.
If I hadn't my debts I shouldn't have anything to think about.
— Oscar Wilde

Some men worship rank, some worship heroes, some worship power, some worship God, & over these ideals they dispute & cannot unite — but they all worship money.
— Mark Twain

Take care of your pennies and your pounds will take care of your heirs and barristers.
— English proverb

The blind quest for cash is a fool's errand.
— Timothy Ferriss

Not having to worry about money is almost like not having to worry about dying.
— Mario Puzo

What good is money if it can't inspire terror in your fellow man?
— Matt Groening, The Simpsons

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declared you legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.
— Woody Allen

I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.
— Jerry Dennis

I started with nothing and I've still got most of it left.
— Unknown wise person

Take care of your pennies and your dollars will take care of your widow's next husband.
— American proverb

When one has had to work so hard to get money why should he impose on himself the hardship of trying to save it.
— Don Herold

A woman's ideal man is one clever enough to make a lot of money and foolish enough to spend most of it on her.
— Author Unknown

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.
— Errol Flynn

To be clever enough to get a great deal of money, one must be stupid enough to want it.
— George Bernard Shaw

Americans have always been able to handle austerity and even adversity. Prosperity is what's doing us in.
— James Reston

There's no money in poetry, but then there's no poetry in money, either.
— Robert Graves

Marry money.
— Max Shulman's advice to aspiring authors.

The artist is a member of the leisured classes who cannot pay for his leisure.
— Cyril Connolly

If it sells, it's art.
— Frank Lloyd

Rich bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than
others.
— Oscar Wilde

Money makes a bastard legitimate.
— The Talmud

Everything worth having is either owned by bastards or the descendants of bastards.
— Gregory Nunn

You have to be a bastard to make it, and that's a fact. And the Beatles are the biggest bastards on earth.
— John Lennon

Poor people send their children to school to be bastards. Rich people teach them at home.
— Gerald Barzan

If you're wondering if you have enough money to take the family out to eat tonight, you don't.
— Arthur Bloch

Most of today's families are broke. It will just take a depression to make it official.
— Gregory Nunn

If it weren't for baseball, a lot of kids wouldn't even know what a millionaire looks like.
— Phyllis Diller

I sometimes wished he would realize that he was poor instead of being that most nerve-racking
phenomena, a rich man without money.
— Peter Ustinov

I can walk. It's just that I'm so rich I don't have to.
— Alan Bennett

Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn't expect to be paid back.
— Unknown wise person

The human species is composed of two distinct races; the men who borrow, and the men who lend.
— Charles Lamb

Let us all be happy and live within our means, even if we have to borrow to do it.
— Artemus Ward

Money is good for bribing yourself through the inconveniences of life.
— Gottfried Reinhard

Anybody who thinks money will make you happy, hasn't got money.
— David Geffen

When a man is broke, he can count his friends on his thumb.
— Author Unknown

Money may not make a person happy, but it keeps his creditors in a better frame of mind.
— Author Unknown