Funny and Humorous Classic Jokes !!!

A priest, a (protestant) minister, and a rabbi are out in a field.

The priest says, "Let's draw a circle on the ground and throw our money into the air. Whatever lands outside the circle, we keep; whatever lands inside the circle, we give to God."

The minister says, "I have a better idea: we only keep what lands INSIDE the circle."

The Rabbi says, "Tell you what: let's just throw the money up, and whatever God wants, he can keep."

---

An astronomer, biologist, an engineer and a mathematician were crossing the border into Scotland from England on a train when they saw a field with a black sheep in it.

The astronomer said, "Look--all sheep on Earth are black."

The biologist said, "Look, in Scotland the sheep are black."

The engineer replied, "No, in Scotland some of the sheep are black."

The mathematician rolled his eyes to heaven and said, very patiently, "In Scotland, there exists at least one field, in which there is at least one sheep which is black on at least one side."

---

A woman was talking to her friend "over the fence" when she noticed her husband coming home carrying a bunch of flowers.

Her friend said, "Isn't that nice, he's bringing you flowers."

The woman said, "Great - that means another weekend flat on my back with my feet up in the air!"

The friend said, "What's the matter, don't you have a vase?"

---

A young girl was at the doctor's for a checkup:

"By the way, Doctor, my boyfriend has dandruff. Is there anything you might suggest?"

"Why don't you just give him Head & Shoulders?"

After a short pause,

"How do you give shoulders?"

---

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"

"Only one kiss per yard," replied the smirking male clerk.

"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."

With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then teasingly held it out.

The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man standing beside her. "Grandpa will pay the bill," she smiled.