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A woman was telling her friend , “It was I who made my husband a millionaire.”

“And what was he before you married him?” asked the friend.

The woman replied, ” A multi-millionaire”.





A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs. Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.

The first woman said, “Have you ever had a hug?” The man said “No,” so she gave him a hug and walked on.

The second woman said, “Have you ever had a kiss?” The man said, “No,” so she gave him a kiss and walked on.

The third woman came to him and said, “Have you ever been screwed?” The fellow said, “No.” She said, “You will be when the tide comes in.”




Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their lives.

The one guy said, "I'm a YUPPIE. You know, Young Urban Professional."

The second guy responded, "I'm a DINK. You know, Double Income No Kids."

They then asked the woman, "What are you?"

She replied: "I'm a WIFE. You know, Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."



A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking a round with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Hunting flies," He responded.

"Oh, killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, three males, two females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell?

He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."



When a woman found out that she was pregnant, she lit up the phone lines telling everyone the good news.

One day later that week, she took her 4 year old son, Sam, out shopping. A woman asked the boy if he was excited about the baby.

"Yes", he said. "I know what we're going to name it. If it is a girl, we're calling her Molly and if it is a boy, we're going to call it quits.

 

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