Funny and Humorous Food and Dine Jokes !!!

The food in our school canteen is perfect.

If your a bug!

An ideal homework excuse

Teacher: Where is your homework?

Pupil: Our puppy toilet trained on it

What kind of food do maths teachers eat?

Square meals!

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A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Japanese businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating.

She says, "What the hell do you guys think you are doing?"

One of the Japanese men says, "Can't you see? We are all berry hungry."

The waitress says, "So how is whacking-off in the middle of the restaurant going to help that situation?"

One of the other businessmen replies: "The menu say, FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!

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Two friends went to a "greasy-spoon" type diner for some lunch.

One of them ordered a hamburger. The fat, sweaty cook grabbed a handful of meat, slapped it against his bare belly, and flattened it into a burger, which he then cooked on the grill. "Did you see that?" he asked his friend. His friend nodded and said, "You should see how he makes doughnuts."

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A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all of us eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring to? You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea."

The man lowered his head and said, "Wedding cake."

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A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.

'Are you crazy?' yelled the customer, 'You have your hand on my steak!'

'What?' answers the waiter, 'You want it to fall on the floor again?'